The Kyon Parable
by Phearo
Summary: Kyon knew that she would be in for something troublesome the moment Haru Suzumiya brought her to be a part of the SOS Brigade, but she never knew that she's going to start off this little misadventure with this much bang! (Starring Genderbent Cast)


"Yo~!"

With his normally obnoxiously loud entrance, Haru entered the clubroom, sporting his usual cheerful expression and a pair of paper bags, which he then promptly threw at the table. Can't he just open the door a little quiter, instead of slamming it open all the time? Think of the other clubs besides ours!

"Alright, everyone! It's time for the SOS Brigade's Mass Marketing Campaign!"

You're making it sound like your participating in some political campaign! Ah, I forgot, this is Haru Suzumiya that I'm thinking about, so I guess he would take this as seriously as he would being elected as a president.

"And I've printed a bunch of fliers to help us spread the word!"

He took a bunch of the fliers out of the paper bags, splitting it between me and Mikuo. Just reading a little bit of its contents makes me like I've read it before, so I just left the stacks alone in my hands for the most part. Mikuo, on the other hand, seems incredibly invested in it. Was he trying to memorize the whole thing? It was kind of adorable, with him bringing the paper close to his face, his brows scrunched up a little bit, giving it a look of focus.

The room fell to silence as Mikuo continued to read the paper.

Okay, this is getting kind of boring. To try and satiate the boredom, I looked around a bit. Nothing really was interesting in the clubroom after being here for a while, but the little scanning that I did got me to look inside one of the paper bags Haru had bought, and saw a peculiar black object crumpled inside of it.

Curiosity got the better of me, and I pulled it out of the bag.

Unfortunately for me, what it unfolded turned out to be nothing short of provocative.

"What is this?"

I held out the costume with both my hands after laying down the fliers back on the table. What I did seemed to catch Haru's attention, prying him away from whatever he was doing. It didn't look like it was anything important, maybe he doing something on the computer or just staring off into the distance before.

"Isn't it obvious? It's a bunny suit."

I know that it's a bunny suit! Why do you even have a bunny suit!?

"Because you'll wear it at the gate while distributing fliers!"

His face was just as smug as ever- are you really trying to solidify my opinion of you as a pervert!?

"Well, I could wear it, but then nobody would go near me to accept the fliers I'll be giving away."

He shrugged his shoulders in annoyance, with a face that just looked like I just asked a stupid question. There's nothing stupid about that question, I'm a normal girl, so I have to protect my body's sanctity!

"You've gotta be kidding me!"

"Come on! Strut your stuff a little, won't ya? You have to do that 'sad eyes' thing that they do in anime! It'll make you look moe!"

Moe? What moe! I'm not taking part in this craziness!

"What!? No! Definitely not! That's a stupid idea!"

I managed to blurt out.

….

….

….

It took seconds to process the glare that Haru gave me at the refusal of his suggestion. In all actuality, what proved to be a suggestion to me, must have been a command, an order in his mind. His eyes normally filled with explosive energy slitted slowly into a deathly glare, enough to make me feel like he was actually going to kill me for disobeying him.

He wasn't really going to kill me right?

Thankfully, his relapse into a murderous mood went by as fast as he transitioned into it, cracking up his goofy smile and placing his closed fists at his hips.

For some reason, I couldn't help but feel extremely lucky. Like Haru was someone significant enough to the world to deserve that kind of aura. I mean, despite his eccentricities, he's still just a normal teenage boy.

"Welp, too bad then!"

But still, he's letting me go that easy? I thought I would have to battle with him for more minutes and undoubtedly lose, and here I am, winning a conversation! Yes! Kyon! You finally did it! You stood up against the evil tyrant! Celebrate your victory!

Argh! Even I'm calling myself Kyon!

"You'll have to take her place, Mitsuo-kun!"

It looked like it was wrong to think I've won just yet, as Haru seemed to pull his trump card, **blackmail**. Now, it's not only me anymore, as he seems to have his sights on our sempai. Look, I know he's ridiculously shorter than you, and better-looking, but do you really think that's a proper excuse for bullying our seniors?

"W-w-w-what?"

All colors on Mitsuo's face drained to a pale white as he stared at the bunny suit I had still stretched out in front of me. That was before Haru went behind him and patted his back, with enough force to knock him forwards a bit.

"Oh come on! You're a grade A trap! Definitely moe! I've even got a wig for you!"

"They'll find out! They'll find out!"

At this point, Haru's gotten a teary-eyed whining Mitsuo in a stranglehold, and didn't look to have any problems on keeping him locked there. Seriously, he wasn't breaking a sweat. I'd compare him to Hercules from how strong he is. A Hercules that probably came from a mental institution. Heh, a funny image there.

"No, they won't! Even if they do, you'll just get more popular!"

"E-E-Eeeehh!"

"Uuuuggghh! This is getting nowhere! Strip!"

Suddenly, in a tinge of irritation, Haru knocked his captive down, and forcibly began unbuttoning his shirt. Which was met by terrible squeals by Mitsuo.

I'm so sorry, Mitsuo. I know I should be looking down on your lack of manliness, but you're just too adorable. I can't help but try to keep myself from squealing from your cuteness!

"Eeeeek!"

Alright, as much as I'd really like to see Mitsuo naked, I don't think he'll be able to live with the embarrassment! I don't think even I'm ready to see it yet! If I hold my tongue any longer, 'something' will be forever tainted in my mind!

"W-wait! Fine, I'll do it!"

My sudden outburst made Haru stop and look at me wide-eyed, like he wasn't suspecting me to fall for his tricks. On second thought, was he even trying to trick me?

"Now you do, now you don't.. Geez, women are complicated."

Shut up and just leave me alone to get dressed.

"You too, Yuki, get out."

I almost forgot about him. The guy's so quiet, he's like a ninja sometimes.

* * *

The cold breeze of air wrapped around the contours of my body, leaving me shivering despite the sunny disposition of the sky. Why, you say? Because, for one reason or another, I found myself distributing fliers to different kinds of students that walked through the gates of our highschool.

While I'm wearing a **bunny suit**, complete with black, fish net stockings and high heels.

Please kill me.

The teacher who's stomping his way to us might be the one do it. You can tell his angry from this distance, as if steam is escaping wildly from his ears.

"Hey! What're you kids doing there!?"

You would think that the teacher would naturally go towards us two (Yes, it seems one sacrificial lamb was not enough for Haru Suzumiya's plans), but on the contrary, he had his sights fixed on Suzumiya standing near us, just gazing at the sky with a stupid grin pasted on his face. Well, that was until the teacher shouted and got Haru to look at him.

"Something wrong, teach?"

"Of course there's something wrong, Suzumiya! Why are there female students parading in **bunny suits** just infront of our gates!"

"It's Promotional Marketing!"

"Aren't I a genius?"

I'd say you're smart enough to pander to raging hormones, yes, but I wouldn't call you a genius.

"This is a violation of the code of ethics! I'll see you in the principal office, at once!"

"And get those two dressed!"

I have a feeling that when that teacher left to go file something that would probably get Haru expelled, he was madder than he was before.

Well, I suppose he got Suzumiya mad too. He's crossing his arms and staring a death glare that could probably wipe the last strands of hair on that poor teacher's head.

"Party pooper. There wasn't even anything written inside the rule book that said 'No wearing of bunny suits!' or anything."

And I'm pretty there never will be. You can't expect them to be **that** specific can't you?

"That's why lawyers always find loopholes during court cases!"

After that little tantrum of his, the guy just went away, saying that he was going "to take care of the problem" and that we should just "do what we were doing."

I call bull. I'm going back to the clubroom to get dressed. Just as I was leaving, though, I felt someone grabbed my hand. It was Mitsuo.

It seemed like Mitsuo had enough of being ogled by guys, which must be even more disturbing for him than it is for me.

Speaking of which, you would not believe what Haru did to him.

It's like all semblance of him being a guy was completely gone. And those breasts.. How did he get them!? Where could he have tucked **it **in!?

Haru insisted that we should just call him Mikuru whenever he's forced to crossdress, he said it would be easier to just let other people think he was another person in our brigade, but I honestly think that instead of easier what he really must've thought was "interesting", like a guy with a double life, or something, how ridiculous.

"I feel like I can't show my face on this planet anymore, Kyon…."

The little wavery speech from Mitsuo got me to look him dead in the eyes, his face looked like it was going to explode in a waterfall of tears, the sight was kinda pitiful, but I do understand his pain.

After all, we're both wearing bunny suits together.

"Me too, Mitsuo- er, Mikuru-chan…"

As we wallowed in our misery together, I caught sight of a silver haired student from far away, looking at me with a soulless stare, the same as Yuki's, before disappearing within the flock of leaving students.

When Nagato invited me to his apartment, I'd thought I already suspected everything. Too bad for me I guess, because I'm pretty sure Nagato's info dump was more than what my mind could've possibly thought of.

* * *

"…So, you're telling me… You're an alien?"

"Correct."

"Then this Data Integrity thought thinjamajigi is your boss?"

"Correct."

I'm sorry to tell you this, but I find it a hard time believing all of that. You can't expect me to just accept this without any doubts- that would make it seem like I knew it ever since the start! I can only massage the bridge of my nose in frustration.

"Expected."

"So you figured out I wasn't going to believe you the first time, then?"

"Please believe me."

!

As those words registered in my brain, I felt a slew of thoughts rushing into my head, a flood of voices that seem to urge me to accept this robotic alien's unbelievable confession. They fired words in rapid succession, in a pace I couldn't even understand, yet still I knew their general thoughts, but I shouldn't, but I did.

It felt like what was happening in my head was a repetition of our earlier conversation, the explanation of the Data Thought Integrity Entity- its existence, its goals. Yet, in every iteration, it feels like something's different, something's changed.

The oddest part was each time the conversation echoed in my head, it was not our voices that spoke.

"Are you alright?"

Yuki spoke in worry, but you can hardly tell that would be the case in his monotone voice. It was then that I noticed I curled my back so that my face was closer to the desk before, and I was nothing clutching my fingers on my forehead with greater pressure than before.

"Yeah, I'm- I'll be going home now."

Nagato didn't even stop me as I stood up and went for the door, groggily, if I may add. I think I suffered too much craziness today, a good sleep would do me wonders.

Tonight's freezing. It kinda feels like it's almost winter.

"Looks like she's going home, already."

A deep voice, similar to the one in my head moments ago, spoke. Unlike before where it was like some sort of ominous ringing in my brain, this one kind from my right side, to which I promptly looked at in alarm.

That was when I saw him, with I'm guessing, the same shocked face I sported. He muttered a few lines, too low key for me to hear, as his surprise died down. I've been able to pick a few words, luckily.

Something with "being able to be seen" and "Nagato".

Maybe he had something to do with Nagato?

"Hm? You know Nagato?" This is getting really suspicious!

"Ah- I've gotta go!"

Then he started running.

"Hey- wait!"

* * *

**Author's Notes: Hey guys, thanks for reading the prologue! I'm not planning to this story be very long, so like that AKB49 one I had,(which I still haven't finished) this probably wouldn't last any longer than 3 chapters. Hopefully I'll be making those last 2 chapters longer than this one, but I'm thinking you guys can guess where this is going already.**

**Also, if you're wondering, these genderbent versions of the Haruhi Suzumiya cast might be a little bit more different than their inspiration's normal attitude, I have to make them a little bit different to make them stand out from the original group, after all! Then again, that's only because I have to keep in mind that even if that they're the same person, just with a different gender, how society(and hormones) works can have an influence in their interactions with one another. Like for instance, Haruhi as a girl can deal more slapstick to men because generally it's less frowned upon, but I can't really see Haru kicking the computer club president in the face when he's a **_**she**_**. Haru, like, Haruhi, still has a semblance of common sense and moral values, and essentially that's their world's anchor on existing and not spiraling out of control. Though maybe you'll find the girl Kyon being more aggressive towards Haru then, but who knows? One thing's for sure, though, just like how guy Koizumi's kind of giving this "playboy" aura around him, girl Koizumi's gonna be very femme fatale… Yeeeaaaaahhh! I hope I can pull that off!**


End file.
